My Fiancee decided to postpone the wedding what do you think?
MonicaM asked:
two and a half months to the wedding and my fiancee has decided for the both of us to postpone the wedding. He did this without even discussing it with me prior to. He thinks that we argue too much. I tried to explain to him that I was just extremely stressed out with all of the planning and not having much help from him. Prior to the planning everything was supposedly perfect. What do you think?
Baby Sleep Tonight
two and a half months to the wedding and my fiancee has decided for the both of us to postpone the wedding. He did this without even discussing it with me prior to. He thinks that we argue too much. I tried to explain to him that I was just extremely stressed out with all of the planning and not having much help from him. Prior to the planning everything was supposedly perfect. What do you think?
Baby Sleep Tonight
better now than at the altar, you two need to work things out and/or figure things out stat!
he’s scared
Better he does it now than at the alter. I know you’re terribly upset and I’m sorry but if he feels he’s not ready there isn’t much you can do about it.
Get rid of him and forget him. This one is gone. There are PLENTY of fish in the sea. He has backed out and has given you an excuse. If he wanted to get marriied, he would be willing to look around something like this. Move on.
He’s probably selfish and doesn’t like to deal with being upset, and he’s feeling trapped and getting cold feet.
I don’t agree with post below calling him “mature.” But be thankful nevertheless. He probably wasn’t for you. I also disagree with the person who recommended “counseling.” That isn’t going to help a bit, and most counselors can’t straighten out their own lives.
If you have ever had sex with him, that always spoils things, without fail (and it will prevent you from finding a man worth marrying).
Bored has it right.
Be thankful that you groom is mature enough to make a very difficult decision that way too many people would be scared to make and then voice.
I’ve heard of this happening sometimes and it’s okay. I highly suggest both of you go to premarital counseling. It is often offered at church, but you can also see a regular counselor. If you want to make it work, this is a must. If he doesn’t want to do this, I would question his dedication to making your relationship work. Good luck!
If your fiance postponed the wedding without discussing it with you what would he do after the wedding? Buy a home with your money without discussing it with you or bring his mother to live with you w/o discussing it w/you? I say good riddens.
If he’s having second thoughts it’s better he tell you now instead of after the wedding. I went to a wedding in July. A month later the groom told the bride that he really didn’t want to be married. Now they’re going through a divorce. My advice, for what its worth, is to try and resolve your issues now rather than hope the wedding will magically fix everything. I wish you luck.
Sit down and talk to him if he wont listen then take like a mini vacation stay a few nights at a friends house or go to the beach you two just need some time before you work a wedding is supposed to girls happiest day of there life right? well don’t get to worked up about it!!
Maybe it will be good for you guys to work things out! I mean, if you are arguing now, marriage isn’t likely to magically fix that! And I understand that planning a wedding is stressful, but so are many aspects of the married life! You have to be able to work together and get through stressful times without arguing too much. So it could be good to figure this out before you tie the knot! I mean, I am not saying you two might not be meant to be married, but maybe you guys just have a little bit of work to do first! Just be on your best behavior! Be a sweetie. Things will work out!
Sounds like a case of” Frigid feet”He should have discussed this with you first.And since he didnt odds are if you were married he’s be making other discisions without you.Better to lose him now than later .Take it from one who knows;divorce is no cake walk. You will find “mr Wonderful” keep looking!
I can understand you being stressed out from planning the wedding and that causing stress on your relationship, especially if he is not helping. But if you explain this to him, and you two had a very good relationship before, and he still wants to hold on the wedding, then I think this sounds like an excuse for him. Maybe talk to his parents, or his close friends to find out if there is something else going on. Hopefully it is just cold feet, but who knows why he is acting weird and putting off what is a special day for both of you.
sit back and think. What are you fighting about? Is it about the wedidng? Is it about living arrangements? Does he annoy you with his habits? Do you annoy him? Is it because you don’t like each others friends and family?
If you’re fighting because of wedding details and money, then take a step back and ask yourself just how important that detail is that you are (or he is) fighting for. My husband and I had a clear set plan. We set out the ground rules early. No pink or purple. No Tails and Top Hats. He wanted a church wedding, I wanted outdoor, but I felt his religion trumped my love of trees. We either agreed on everything or we compramised. If someone was adament about a detail, then the other backed off and said okay. we had a beautiful, simple, fun, and flawless wedding.
If you are fighting because of his habits or yours, then you need to sit down and think about how important it really is. Is it minor, like he leaves all the cuboards, drawers, and doors open like my beloved…or is it major, like he goes out drinking with the same girl who isn’t you every weekend like my friends husband? Tell someone neutral about the fight and they will tell you straight up who the crazy one is.
If you’re fighting becuase of family, then suck it up, they’re family. If you’re fighting becuase of friends, then you both need to sit down and deal with it like grown ups or ditch the friends. He’s forever, your college roomate may not be.
pre-marital counseling is designed to sort all this out before the wedding. It may be helpful for you both to go see someone. We are christian, so we saw the Pastor who was marrying us. Just go talk to someone neutral. If the two of you are willing to communicate, compromise, be considerate of eachothers wants above your own, and have the same goals in life, then you are meant to be. If that isn’t the case…then like the first girl said, better now than at the alter or after the kids.
Sit him down & talk with him, seriously.
He may be having second thoughts because of the way you are handling the wedding stress. If this is how you handle this, how are you going to handle the stress of married life & children? You probably have him worried that he will be spending his life in a way he doesn’t want to. He’s wise in doing what he did.
There have been many weddings that have not happened because of this very thing.
You both might want to seek some counselling before continuing with your plans.
Well why is he speaking on your behalf about the postponement? I would ask what is going on, maybe he just has cold feet. I can imagine it is stressful, talk to him see what is really happening with him.
Keep the wedding date. Go to pre-marriage counsling. If it doesn’t work out, make him pay for half of everything spent on the wedding (deposits and such.)
Why would you WANT to marry a man who makes a major life decision without even consulting you?
My b/f and I have also recently postponed our wedding to allow him to take a course that will progress his career and the stress of studying and taking exams was more than enough for him to cope with. I would suggest taking some time to talk with your b/f, rather than arguing as that does not solve anything. Discuss exactly what it was that causing the arguments, perhaps he needed a more active role in planning the wedding so he felt involved and not just a “tourist”. Give it a few months for the dust to settle, and then see how the land lies, perhaps you will be able to re-book before too long.
I think it is best that if he is not sure now, that it is better to wait. It shows maturity on his part; maybe he just couldn’t handle the bridezillaness of it all….