Holly Golightly asked:
I have a very different taste in wedding, I want a very small (justice of peace and 2 random witnesses) ceremony, and a private party after. I don’t want a huge bash where people you NEVER speak to feel obligated to come….just me, my husband and our families (minus future BIL and his GF!!) and CLOSE friends. By close, I mean ones we speak to, regularly. Really private. My feelings are pretty strong on this. My fiance agrees, and my parents could care less, as long as I am happy. Problem is my future in laws. MIL is bewildered, wants a grand church wedding, with everybody she knows there… I can’t fathom that. We can afford a big wedding so money is not it, it is all a matter of taste. His parents are needling and begging for a giant bash. How do we convey that this IS our perfect wedding? That what his mom is planning is our perfect nightmare! I already have issues with future BIL and his GF, don’t want any with the rest….Please help!! Thanks!
We are paying, but it is not money that motivated this choice. It is a preference. As far as family bringing guests, that goes against my feelings, it would be people I don’t know on a private day. I know it may be selfish of me. But I can’t shake this belief
I have a very different taste in wedding, I want a very small (justice of peace and 2 random witnesses) ceremony, and a private party after. I don’t want a huge bash where people you NEVER speak to feel obligated to come….just me, my husband and our families (minus future BIL and his GF!!) and CLOSE friends. By close, I mean ones we speak to, regularly. Really private. My feelings are pretty strong on this. My fiance agrees, and my parents could care less, as long as I am happy. Problem is my future in laws. MIL is bewildered, wants a grand church wedding, with everybody she knows there… I can’t fathom that. We can afford a big wedding so money is not it, it is all a matter of taste. His parents are needling and begging for a giant bash. How do we convey that this IS our perfect wedding? That what his mom is planning is our perfect nightmare! I already have issues with future BIL and his GF, don’t want any with the rest….Please help!! Thanks!
We are paying, but it is not money that motivated this choice. It is a preference. As far as family bringing guests, that goes against my feelings, it would be people I don’t know on a private day. I know it may be selfish of me. But I can’t shake this belief
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{ 18 comments }
It is YOUR wedding. Do as you please. They should respect that.
Do the wedding your way. Have a small reception that you want afterwards. Have the MIL hold an open house for you a few days afterwards. That’s how we did it. Everyone gets a little of what they want.
I suggest you stick your guns on what sort of wedding you want to have. And also encourage your future in laws to throw a large celebration party after the wedding and invite all the people who they weren’t allowed to invite to the wedding.
Just plan the wedding, it’s as simple as that. You need to rethink not inviting his brother and if you don’t you need to make sure that your fiance is really really ok with it. You don’t have to discuss your wedding plans with your in-laws. I mean how much time do you actually spend with them?
Would it be okay to have a nice private rehearsal dinner and ceremony, and then let them throw the big bash. That’s kind of a compromise. When it comes down to it, it’s your choice.
Get your future husband to talk to them.He must tell them that is what you both want.Stick to your guns on this issue if it is so important to you.Who is paying for the wedding?If it is your parents, talk to them also.If you are paying, tell each side of the family they can invite say 4 close friends each.Good luck.
LOL!!!! Reminds me of my MIL!!!!!!!
For fun tell her you are going to stack some twinkies up and put a bow on top for your cake. Tell her you will have a buffet with pizza rolls and popcorn. For drinks you will have koolade and tap water. Say it with a straight face and let her think about it for a few days. Then tell her your plans for a small but sweet wedding. She’ll be releived and calm down about the small wedding.
It worked for us!!!!
As a person that has had many issues with my MIL (especially around the wedding) I can say, discuss how you feel with her. Let her know that it is your day but if she still feels strongly about it than if she would like to host a party for you and you are ok with that let her. Tell her that this is your way of making her feel that she has some say so.
She could throw you and your fiance an engagement party or be in charge of a bridal shower.
Hope it works out.
Good luck.
WOW!! Trouble already. Have the wedding your way and I think a reception at a later date is a wonderful compromise. As for the BIL just make sure it’s OK with the hubby, it’s his wedding too. I wish you all the best.
Hi and congratulations!
What you have planned sounds great to me! I am opposite of your soon to be MIL. I much prefer small intimate weddings with family and close friends only. But all the ones I go to are big!
In any case….on to your dilemma. If I were you, I would have your fiance speak with his parents. HE is the one that needs to convey to them that this is what the BOTH of you want. Do NOT be swayed. Do what you want!! There is no way anyone can force you to do it….so stand firm. Again, I would get your fiance to speak with his parents.
Good luck and I hope you have a beautiful small, intimate wedding!
You are totally justified in feeling as if you get to choose the style of wedding you want.
Of course, you can’t expect everyone to agree with you, b/c everyone has an opinion!
But, here’s what you need to do. Have your fiance (alone) talk to his parents about it. He needs to tell them that this is the kind of wedding you both want, and that they really need to respect your wishes for it. They don’t have to agree or like it, just respect it. Make sure they understand that needling and begging for some other type of wedding is only stressing the two of you out and making you both very upset.
This is his responsibility since it is his family; it is also a way to assure them that this is how you both feel about it, not just you, the bride.
it’s your wedding, they can share their opinions but once IT’S BEEN SAID & DONE…they have to respect your decision. you and your fiance need to lay your own cards in front of them, and you have to make it to a point that you appreciate their way to show the world that you guys are getting married. it’s been planned and that you’re just informing them how’s the set up will be. make sure your fiance will stand for you because it’s really your dream wedding, something simple and solemn. after your wedding, you can send cards to friends and relatives informing them that you guys are married and had a simple close doors wedding, and if they can whisper their wishes for both of you….then THANK them. the only concern is your BIL, he’s a big part of your fiance’s family. don’t you think it’s proper that he’ll be a part of it? if your concern is his GF, ask your fiance to deal with him in a right way. explain the purpose of your wedding, and that the GF can come after when you’ll have a simple family gathering (if there will be one). I’m sure BIL will understand, you just need to acknowledge that matter after the brother to brother talk is done successfully. remember, YOU DON’T NEED TO PLEASE OTHER PEOPLE IN EXPENSE OF YOUR OWN SATISFACTION & HAPPINESS. Goodluck & Best Wishes! =)
Have the weddings of your dreams! Since you and your fiance are agreed on this, have him tell her firmly but gently that this is how you both want it and that’s that. Maybe you can compromise and she can throw a party for you two once you get back from your honeymoon for whoever she wants to invite. That way, you get the wedding the way you want it and she can still have her big party. Oh and if you’re having a tape made of your wedding, you can play it at the MIL’s party.
They say when you get married, you marry the family as well. It’s true.
For your wedding day…do exactly as you please. Small, intimate with just those closest to you!
But, for the sake of peace and harmony (because believe me, you will want it for years to come), tell the future MIL that you would be pleased if she wanted to plan a family get together the following weekend to celebrate. Nothing formal, but that you would be honored.
Remember, while maybe your parents aren’t into a big pomp and circumstance, his parents may be. Parents dream of the day when their child meets the love of their life and gets married. It doesn’t matter if you are a boy or a girl. Every Mom wants to beam with pride.
I am not saying forgo your wishes…but meeting halfway will make things much smoother in the years to come.
Y arent your fiancee solving this conflict? Its actually HIS responsibility….
I understand how u feel. Sometimes old people feel very insecure n its occasions like that that make them feel valued and in-control again.
Y not have a private session that u want, n proceed to have the BIG wedding ceremony afterwards? By doing this u’re sending a message that u stick to your own decisions, but at the same time, do care about what she wants. tell her either she agrees to it, or no huge bash at all.
by the way, congratulations!
YOUR wedding, YOUR choice! If the inlaws don’t like it, they don’t have to come!
You have to go with your own wishes on this. She probably has attended many weddings of friends and family and wants to invite them as a reciprocal social event.
It’s your wedding so do it the exact way you and your fiance want it.
I am a bridesmaid for a friend who wanted the same thing as you only they gave into the parents and are having the big 400 people wedding. They have not enjoyed all the planning or anything and it’s only now that they are a few weeks away from their wedding they are just getting excited.
Do it your way and only your way. Everyone else will get over it but you don’t want to regret doing ‘your day’ the way others want.
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