Comments on: Planning a wedding, I want small and PRIVATE, future in laws balked at my wishes?

By: soon2bmrshosking

soon2bmrshosking — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 04:17:02 +0000

It’s your wedding so do it the exact way you and your fiance want it.
I am a bridesmaid for a friend who wanted the same thing as you only they gave into the parents and are having the big 400 people wedding. They have not enjoyed all the planning or anything and it’s only now that they are a few weeks away from their wedding they are just getting excited.

Do it your way and only your way. Everyone else will get over it but you don’t want to regret doing ‘your day’ the way others want.

By: dizzkat

dizzkat — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 19:04:29 +0000

You have to go with your own wishes on this. She probably has attended many weddings of friends and family and wants to invite them as a reciprocal social event.

By: prissybrat21

prissybrat21 — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 15:03:18 +0000

YOUR wedding, YOUR choice! If the inlaws don’t like it, they don’t have to come!

By: gingerbread

gingerbread — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 05:13:14 +0000

Y arent your fiancee solving this conflict? Its actually HIS responsibility….
I understand how u feel. Sometimes old people feel very insecure n its occasions like that that make them feel valued and in-control again.
Y not have a private session that u want, n proceed to have the BIG wedding ceremony afterwards? By doing this u’re sending a message that u stick to your own decisions, but at the same time, do care about what she wants. tell her either she agrees to it, or no huge bash at all.
by the way, congratulations!

By: kcarp73

kcarp73 — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 20:48:08 +0000

They say when you get married, you marry the family as well. It’s true.
For your wedding day…do exactly as you please. Small, intimate with just those closest to you!

But, for the sake of peace and harmony (because believe me, you will want it for years to come), tell the future MIL that you would be pleased if she wanted to plan a family get together the following weekend to celebrate. Nothing formal, but that you would be honored.
Remember, while maybe your parents aren’t into a big pomp and circumstance, his parents may be. Parents dream of the day when their child meets the love of their life and gets married. It doesn’t matter if you are a boy or a girl. Every Mom wants to beam with pride.
I am not saying forgo your wishes…but meeting halfway will make things much smoother in the years to come.

By: Vero

Vero — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 09:23:43 +0000

Have the weddings of your dreams! Since you and your fiance are agreed on this, have him tell her firmly but gently that this is how you both want it and that’s that. Maybe you can compromise and she can throw a party for you two once you get back from your honeymoon for whoever she wants to invite. That way, you get the wedding the way you want it and she can still have her big party. Oh and if you’re having a tape made of your wedding, you can play it at the MIL’s party.

By: RJ

RJ — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 10:36:57 +0000

it’s your wedding, they can share their opinions but once IT’S BEEN SAID & DONE…they have to respect your decision. you and your fiance need to lay your own cards in front of them, and you have to make it to a point that you appreciate their way to show the world that you guys are getting married. it’s been planned and that you’re just informing them how’s the set up will be. make sure your fiance will stand for you because it’s really your dream wedding, something simple and solemn. after your wedding, you can send cards to friends and relatives informing them that you guys are married and had a simple close doors wedding, and if they can whisper their wishes for both of you….then THANK them. the only concern is your BIL, he’s a big part of your fiance’s family. don’t you think it’s proper that he’ll be a part of it? if your concern is his GF, ask your fiance to deal with him in a right way. explain the purpose of your wedding, and that the GF can come after when you’ll have a simple family gathering (if there will be one). I’m sure BIL will understand, you just need to acknowledge that matter after the brother to brother talk is done successfully. remember, YOU DON’T NEED TO PLEASE OTHER PEOPLE IN EXPENSE OF YOUR OWN SATISFACTION & HAPPINESS. Goodluck & Best Wishes! =)

By: valschmal

valschmal — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 19:14:57 +0000

You are totally justified in feeling as if you get to choose the style of wedding you want.

Of course, you can’t expect everyone to agree with you, b/c everyone has an opinion!

But, here’s what you need to do. Have your fiance (alone) talk to his parents about it. He needs to tell them that this is the kind of wedding you both want, and that they really need to respect your wishes for it. They don’t have to agree or like it, just respect it. Make sure they understand that needling and begging for some other type of wedding is only stressing the two of you out and making you both very upset.

This is his responsibility since it is his family; it is also a way to assure them that this is how you both feel about it, not just you, the bride.

By: iloveweddings

iloveweddings — Sat, 04 Jul 2009 17:17:36 +0000

Hi and congratulations!

What you have planned sounds great to me! I am opposite of your soon to be MIL. I much prefer small intimate weddings with family and close friends only. But all the ones I go to are big!

In any case….on to your dilemma. If I were you, I would have your fiance speak with his parents. HE is the one that needs to convey to them that this is what the BOTH of you want. Do NOT be swayed. Do what you want!! There is no way anyone can force you to do it….so stand firm. Again, I would get your fiance to speak with his parents.

Good luck and I hope you have a beautiful small, intimate wedding!

By: Sue B

Sue B — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 06:18:28 +0000

WOW!! Trouble already. Have the wedding your way and I think a reception at a later date is a wonderful compromise. As for the BIL just make sure it’s OK with the hubby, it’s his wedding too. I wish you all the best.