Wedding Dilemma – What to do with the guests between ceremony and reception?
So here’s my situation – my wedding is on a Saturday next July, and I have booked both the church and the reception location. Both locations are PERFECT.
Here’s the problem – it’s a big Catholic church, and there are masses on Saturdays at 5:15. The options for a wedding ceremony is 11 am and 2pm due to the mass. Problem is, the reception location won’t allow anything to start until 6pm. That means the cocktail hour starts at 6pm.
The drive between the two locations is about 20-30 minutes, provided there is only light traffic on the way there. I plan on having the receiving line at the church after the ceremony is over (they have a great location for it) and the ceremony will probably last about 30 minutes.
So my question – if the ceremony starts at 2 and the reception at 6, am I supposed to provide something for the guests to do in between? I’m also working with a VERY limited budget, and the wedding theme itself is casual/semiformal-ish. Any help is appreciated!
Baby Sleep Tonight
My daughters wedding was the same situation and all out of town people were invited to our house for wine and cheese and fruit and visiting. I hired someone to get everything ready while we were at the wedding and to clean up the mess after we left for the reception.
The in towners can just go home after the wedding and come later to the reception.
are a lot of people out of town guests? maybe they can go to a family members house in the meantime. most people find things to do on their own. maybe include some local stops along the route to the reception like a scenic park or a historical marker, a mall, or have a family memeber host a small gathering.
That is just WAY too long of a stretch, unless all of your guests are local and can go home. Some people may or may not like this, and you may have people decide to not come back for the reception. Unless you can pay for 4 hours of “pre-cocktail hour”, entertainment, and/or hotel rooms for your out of town guests, this will not work.
-Change your wedding day from a Sat. to a Friday. This is not uncommon now. I am having a Catholic wedding on a Friday. You should be able to have a later ceremony.
-Change your venue.
-Change your ceremony venue, or ask if you can have a late ceremony immediately followed by your reception.
-Have your parents/family/friends “host” all of your guests in the backyard for drinks and snacks while they wait. Do note that people will be probably be tired, bored, and hungry for real food sitting around this long.
You really cannot have a 4 hour lag time, unless each and every one of your guests a) has a place to go home to, and b.) does not mind doing this.
The idea of sightseeing etc. can work, but not everyone will feel up to that or want to spend the money. Just walking or driving around for almost 4 hours waiting for supper doesn’t appeal to most guests. Generally, anything over a 1.5. hour lag time is a no-no.
Can you have cake and punch after the ceremony at the church? There should be a room or space that will not interfer with the mass. This will give people a chance to mingle and kill some time before the reception. You only need to entertain guests for an hour or two if you do your ceremony at 2pm, and cake/punch is fairly cheap.
I take it you are not having a full catholic wedding if you plan on the ceremony being done in 30 minutes, but you can always pad up the ceremony a bit too if needed with an additional reading or other things.
If it was shorter, then I think that you could find something for them to do, but since it is such a strech then I would let the guest go back and refresh themselves a home or their hotel. You will lose some. Some might only go to the reception and some only to the ceremony, but those closest to you will work. It actuallywon’t be that bad, you will have taken a very long day and given people the chance to rest in the middle of it.
Have a wonder day and have a heck of a party. It won’t work you like you plan anyhow- it will be better and just enjoy it!
the reception venue is the problem and in my book this does not qualify them as perfect…. does the church have a social hall you can have cake,nuts and punch in and all the other formal things like toats etc then concentrate and plan a Party for the reception venue. food,drinks and music …i think you are going to lose your guests with that much time in between
You are absolutely correct that your guests are your responsibility from beginning of ceremony to end of reception, and you must provide them with entertainment and refreshment throughout. (1) You can’t afford to provide a pre-reception party to keep people entertained and fed while they wait for the reception to begin and (2) even if you could, people want to go home after 4 or 5 hours no matter how well entertained they are. Change your plans.
I think the idea of having the out-of-towners go to a family members house is a good idea…
Also, just something to keep in mind…a lot of times if it’s not someone EXCEPTIONALLY close in my family, I’ll just go to the reception, you can also take that into consideration….a lot of people will opt out of going to the ceremony and just go to the reception at six.
Is there a public park/beach nearby? Would it be possible to stop there in between and fill the time with picture taking and light picnic-type fair? If the guests are out-of-towners it might be a good chance for everyone to just socialize like a family reunion..
Other than that, I think your venues may be perfect, but only for you.. you might have to bend on this one so that everybody can have a good time.
See if someone lives nearby and is willing to host snacks in between for 3 hours for out of towners. Just make sure there are no alcoholic drinks there, you don’t want people turning up to the reception drunk, that is not good!
Honestly, I agree with most of the other people. I think you have to change your plans.
If I was invited to a wedding and I had to wait like 3 hours between the ceremony and the reception then I would just go home. It would be too much of a hassle. People will get bored, tired and hungry in those 3 hours.
The only way I would stay for that long is if the person getting married was very close to me. If not, then I would just wish them a happy marriage after the ceremony and fly the coop.
Edited to add after the thumbs down: I know people are giving me the thumbs down because I gave an answer that no one else likes to hear. But, the simple fact of the matter is that NO ONE likes to wait around for 3 hours.
You like to think since they are your family or friends and this is your special day, that they won’t mind. But, in reality you are inconviencing them. They are your guests and should be treated as such. They shouldn’t be packed off some where for sight-seeing. shopping and entertaining themselves.
Honestly, I think it is pretty rude to do something like that.
This is totally normal. You do NOT have to plan anything for the guests – people are totally used to having time between the ceremony and reception. They go shopping, tour the town or city, go for a rest, take their kids to the hotel for a nap, etc.
So just don’t worry about it.
Obviously this is not an ideal situation but I keep seeing it more and more with Catholic weddings on Saturdays. The first time I encountered this situation I was an out-of-town guest and I was kind of annoyed when I first saw the invitiation and noticed the gap in time. I never considered not going, though, and in the end there happened to be a restaurant/bar next to the hotel where we were all staying. We went there for snacks and a drink or two, freshened up at the hotel, and then headed to the reception. It worked out fine.
Other posters are correct in that you might lose some guests due to the gap or others might just come to the reception. The best solution would be to host some sort of get-together with snacks for out-of-town guests, but if that is not possible you could just offer guests some options for places to go during the gap (local restaurants, etc.). Maybe hand out a little card after the ceremony with directions to the reception and things to do in between. Most people be understanding and will find something to do.
I’m all for etiquette and making your guests as comfortable as possible (contrary to what many believe, a wedding isn’t necessarily “your” day as much as it is a celebration for you, your family, and friends), but your guests are presumably attending because they love you and want to celebrate with you and your fiance…and they will understand.
I hope you have a beautiful wedding day.
So, by the time people get out of the church it’ll be 3PM, they’ll leave to go to the reception at 5:30, so you have about 2 1/2 hours there, not 4 like the one person mentioned.
If people are coming from out of town, aren’t most of them staying at a hotel? If so, they can just go there and relax. The same goes for people who live in-town. Can’t they just go home for awhile? Or are you concerned about those that are driving to and from the wedding the same day? Then I’d suggest some places they could spend their time on your wedding webiste: like a mall, a part of the city where a lot of bars/restaurants are, or some place they could pass a couple hours. It’s not the end of the world. It’s only 2 1/2 hours. Come on people. I think most people will have this time difference in mind when they come to your wedding and will just plan accordingly.
As for having a get together at a family member’s home, I’d suggest against this. I think people will end up leaving your reception much earlier since they had this extra time together at this “pre-reception.” People will be tired and figure they’ve spent enough time celebrating. Let them go to their hotel/home/bar and relax before the reception so they’re not exhausted too early.