Kim asked:
Hello… okay here’s the deal. Ever since I was little I have dreamed of the perfect wedding, with the perfect man, walking down the aisle in the perfect wedding dress. Now here’s the problem. I have never been married before, but I do have a daughter who is 4. I really really want to wear a classic white wedding gown from my favorite designer, who I’ve been wanting ever since I can remember. However, I’ve been told that it would not be appropriate to wear a white dress since I have a daughter (therefore I’m not “pure” anymore), and that it would be more appropriate to either wear a more mature and subtle 2 piece ensemble or simply a dress that is not white. Im rather upset thinking I might not get to wear the dress of my dreams. So my question is… do you think it would be inappropriate to still wear a white wedding gown even though I have a daughter? Keep in mind I have never been married. Don’t know if that matters or not. I’m so confused! Thanks for your input.
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Hello… okay here’s the deal. Ever since I was little I have dreamed of the perfect wedding, with the perfect man, walking down the aisle in the perfect wedding dress. Now here’s the problem. I have never been married before, but I do have a daughter who is 4. I really really want to wear a classic white wedding gown from my favorite designer, who I’ve been wanting ever since I can remember. However, I’ve been told that it would not be appropriate to wear a white dress since I have a daughter (therefore I’m not “pure” anymore), and that it would be more appropriate to either wear a more mature and subtle 2 piece ensemble or simply a dress that is not white. Im rather upset thinking I might not get to wear the dress of my dreams. So my question is… do you think it would be inappropriate to still wear a white wedding gown even though I have a daughter? Keep in mind I have never been married. Don’t know if that matters or not. I’m so confused! Thanks for your input.
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{ 35 comments }
OMG TELL THEM TO SHUT THE HELL UP!!!! Its your wedding and you can wear whatever you want. YOU BETTER WEAR THE WHITE DRESS lol
I don’t think it’s inappropriate at all! Every woman deserves the wedding of her dreams at one point and no one should have the right to change it up for their own satisfaction.
Please don’t listen to those people. You can definitely wear a white dress. Just wear it with pride and a smile and it will look beautiful! All those people who said that will have their mouths drop to the floor when they see how gorgeous you look in your WHITE dress. ♥
It’s absolutely appropriate to wear a white wedding gown, virgin or not. As one of my favorite posters says here, “the state of your hymen has no bearing on your wedding dress.” Don’t listen to this purity bull****. It’s your special day and you can wear any dress you want. Keep in mind if white wedding dresses were just for virgins, very few of them would be sold.
P.S. I wouldn’t get overly attached to the idea of a “perfect” wedding. Most weddings have a little something that goes wrong. If you try to make everything “perfect,” you’ll drive yourself crazy and everyone around you.
Well, if the dress that you want has to be ordered, see if you can order it in off-white or ivory. If the dress is something that had to be bought as it then just wear it. Depending on what your wedding colors are, put a sash around your waist with the same color material your girls are wearing or the main color you are using. But if you just want to wear the dress as it is, that would be fine to. Do what you want to do, it is your day. Does your future husband care what you are wearing? Best wishes and congrats.
Congratulations on getting married!
DEFINITELY WEAR THE WHITE GOWN OF YOUR DREAMS.
You have a 4 year old daughter so you are not a virgin but that doesn’t mean you need to dress like a matron or mother of the bride!!
It is so nice how you are taking everyone’s input into consideration..like the person or people that told you you shouldn’t wear a white dress. But they are definitely wrong!
PICK OUT YOUR DREAM DRESS AND HAVE A BLAST!
Cheers to the new chapter in your life!
Maybe 60 years ago you would have been gossiped about for not being “pure” but geez, now you can do anything you want. That is the nice thing about progress! You deserve to have your dream wedding, as much as anyone who is “pure” and anyone who thinks otherwise does not need to be included in your dream wedding. So ignore the critics, this day should be about you, your husband and the life you begin from that day on. Those are the only opinions that count, so straighten that backbone and learn to turn a deaf ear to the critics. You are getting what you have always wanted, and that is a dream come true
Congrats!!
I think you should wear you dress – white one.
A white dress is classic for your wedding, and when you get married and you really love this man, it doesn’t matter if you are wearing a jumpsuit. You just need your wedding. But yes, you will look absolutely beautiful in your dress, so you should go with that. Ignore the fashion faux paus. Wear whatever you want, its your day and not theirs. No matter what you wear, you will look amazing!
= )
Bottom line is it’s YOUR wedding… there are going to be people that “talk”, but guess what that would be about anything…. Many people are still old fashioned and feel that you should only wear white if you are a virgin…. but times have changed, and I’m sure that you will not be the only person to ever where a white dress when you have child…
Have a beautiful wedding, and make it what you want, it will be the best day of your life!
It wouldn’t be inappropriate at all. This is a new generation where we don’t go by past standards. If your dream is to wear white, than gosh darn it you wear white! I have friends who have kids from previos marriages or with the guy they are marrying and still wear white to their wedding. It’s YOUR day. wear what YOU want to wear.
Its your wedding day, wear what you want, get your dream dress, and to hell with what other people say.
Go for it, it does not matter that you have a daughter.. Have the wedding that you want and deserve never let people judge you, jut be yourself and enjoy your wedding day with your daughter and your new husband. I wish you all the love and luck in the world and hope that all goes well for you all on your big day.
xxx
Okay, Hon, first off a bridal gown is for a bride….and I wasn’t aware that there were any other requirements other than being a bride. Now if you were my age a bridal gown would look kinda silly, IMO but I gather you’re young so the only thng stopping you would be you, especially since you’ve never been married before, right?
Second-white does NOT mean pure. The color became ‘fashionable’ to marry in when in the 1800’s England’s Queen Victoria married her true love Prince Albert (the reason she wore black only in her later years is that when he died she went into permanent mourning- a true love story). Back in that day the popular color was pale blue, the real color of innocence and purity. And unless one had bucks up the belfry one wore one’s wedding dress after…you couldn’t do that with a white dress…we are talking dirt roads, often muddy, rugs that could only be beaten on a line to clean (if ya call it that) ‘road apples’ littering the streets and the only way to wash a dress was to boil it in a cauldron with homemade lye soap and scrub it on a washboard….now how clean in the age of no deoderant and maybe a weekly bath, shampoos once a month, would a white dress get? So a worn once dress only the rich could afford….and a bride who wore one was advertisement for how affluent her family was….sorta a bragging thing…..until Queen Victoria came along…then it became a fad, then a tradition…but it has nothing to do with virginity. White= wealth…….and in many cultures the way the bride announced that she had been virginal on her wedding night was to display the blood spotted bridal sheets the next morning…did you know that? Suppose a lot of chickens lost their lives in the name of virginity lol…….
IMO, debating whether a bride should wear white is stupid….make no sense that a gal would declare the status., or lack of a hymen in this day and age…people who still insist on this white=virginity=only virgin brides can wear have no life if that’s all they can fuss about and should have things other than the bride’s gynecologial status on their minds….sheesh…you want a white gown Tootsie? Wear one…..and good luck.
I had my son before I was married and I didn’t marry his father. My mom made me feel like I couldn’t wear a long bridal gown. She told me it was wrong etc. I honored her wishes and regretted it. I was married for 24 years, had four kids, split with my husband over three years ago and am now engaged to a wonderful man that I love very much. I am wearing the long bridal gown that I never got to have the first time, we are having a dinner and a dance (which I also didn’t get the first time). My fiance eloped with his first marriage and it was his idea to have a big wedding. I was a little hesitant but am now really glad we are fulfilling our wishes with each other and having the dream wedding we both always longed for. We are so excited!!
Do what you want to do and wear what you want to wear. IT IS YOUR DAY!! Congratulations and Best Wishes to you and your fiance.
My suggestion? Wear white with a colored sash . . . and relax.
It is okay to wear white.
But if it makes you feel uncomfortable (or you feel family members will be commenting), why not add a colored sash to your gown?
I work in a wedding dress salon in NJ and brides have the final say. It’s your day you can wear whatever you want. So many brides have children now and may have even been married before and will wear white if that is the color they desire.
That is an old way of thinking and if you don’t want to tell people that then just tell them that they didnt make your dress in Ivory ans you just loved it so much that you went with it.
Please keep in mind your shoes, and undergarments for the wedding too. You will need them for your first fitting try for your shoes and for the best bridal bras, bustiers, and shapewear. Entiise also offers an on-line lingerie registry for fun.
Good Luck & Congratulations!
Wear whatever you want to, its your big day!
A long time ago couples didnt live together before marriage but times change!
Dont give up your dream wedding, wear whatever you want to.
2-piece ensemble? Yuck!
Heres the thing. The tradition of wearing white did not start as a show of purity, its a show of money (white being an impractical, therefore extravagant, color). It is by coincidence that white is a sign of purity for religious people. Please, do not wear a colored dress — I know they are trendy now, but I just dont like them! White is the classic bride look, and I think you should wear white. And wear it with confidence.
What matters here is the fact that its your day and you should wear exactly what you like. Have you actually tried on a white dress as they don’t always suite all skin tones. As for the not being pure anymore I wouldn’t give that a serious consideration as how many pure brides do you know? Go for it.
the “pureness” and “white wedding dress” not like they are in the past, but times do change. Its your wedding! The day is for you to enjoy, relax and dont worry what everybody else thinks. If it is a big important thing for you though, go for an off white dress. I say do what you want, follow your own heart and what makes you happy!
i’d say if you want to wear it, wear it, appropriate should be determined by you, youre the bride, it is your wedding
I agree with the first poster — wear whatever dress you want. Sounds like you have very nice taste and if you have wanted this dress for a long time without changing your mind as you got older then it must be a beautiful classic.
I have mixed feelings about a veil though. Emily Post`s Etiquette says a woman married before or with a child should not wear a traditional veil — especially not a long one or one that comes down near the face.
More than the white gown the veil is a traditional symbol of virginity and purity and to me feels kind of inappropriate or a grey area where it is not wrong…but another choice might be a lot better.
A comb/hairpiece that tosses the veil back might be okay.
IMO an alternative hairpiece to a veil (or no hairpiece at all and a fabulous hairstyle) would be a better choice.
Do the dress and a sophisticated topper/hairstyle fitting your station in life as a mom even if you are young.
Whether you’ve been married before or not, whether you have a child or not, if you want to wear white, wear white. For those people who tell you that it is inappropriate, if they happen to be on the guest list, tell them you’re sorry they disapprove, but it’s your wedding and they’re free to not attend if they feel so strongly about it. For those who are not on the guest list, tell them to take their opinions and shove it.
(Yeah, I’m blunt.)
There are people who have more than a 4 year old daughter that still wear a while gown.
Go with white…if you do it right, this is the only time you’ll ever get married! Live out your fairytale night!
It would be more inappropriate to wear such a dress if you were middle aged. Simply being a parent does not negate your ability to wear the dress fo your dreams.
I’m happy for you that your dreams are coming true. Best wishes for your wedding and your marriage.
That is an OLD tradition. You’re a modern woman and you should do what you want for your wedding.
Congratulations and you deserve it!!!
Wear any color you want.
Just don’t wear a veil over your face.
Thats stupid. You wear what you want. I’m getting married for the second time a white dress.e and i have children but I am still wearing
I say, SCREW EVRYONE who tells you what you can and can not wear. I have twins, and marrying for the 1st time in Aug, and I am wearing whatever the hell I want to, and the guests and all the other people with opinions can bit me. I am so sick of, “tacky this, and tacky that” It is the BRIDES day…..half the people gripping already had their day, and they are probably just mad because they should have done what THEY wanted, not what everyone else told them to
Girlfriend, you wear that white dress, and look beautiful and have a blast
Sorry for venting
Wear what you want. We’re in 2008 – not 1910
A white wedding gown no longer represents purity. Most brides wear white and I guarantee you they are not all virgins. I’m 45 with a teenage son and was married to my 2nd husband in Morocco, but we are having another wedding ceremony here in America and I’m wearing a white wedding gown in an evening gown style. This is your wedding and you should wear what you want and make it your dream wedding. I wouldn’t listen to anyone who says it’s wrong to wear white cuz that is an out dated, old fashioned idea nowadays.
This is not 1492, Chris Columbus is not sailing the ocean blue, and you are, by no means, obligated to alter what you want based on some archaic nonsense. Do your thing.
Ummm…who is getting married????? YOU…..you do and wear what you want. I am so tired of all these “traditions” people bring up….this is your special day and you should do what you want, and don’t feel guilty or even have second thoughts about it. Do NOT give in to what other people tell you, especially if you want to do otherwise….you will regret it the rest of your life. You go ahead and wear your classic white wedding gown with pride!!!!!!
A white dress is fine, just not a big wedding gown. Your circumstances are different than the big dream in your head, and you should be mature enough to realize that!
The white wedding dress used to signify purity. Now it simply means that you’re a first-time bride. So go right ahead and wear the dress of your dreams. Just don’t wear your bridal veil over your face; in some areas or cultures that does still signify purity.
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